Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Essay State.
Well, I chose Option Two for my second essay. Like the first essay, I chose a blog that was fashion focused just because I really like topic and I really like the layout of most of the blogs, they are visually appetizing. I talked about social language and tied it with my thesis of how "blogging has altered the forms of conveying oneself, adding another form of writing providing the author a different method of expression," and tried to find identity in the blog, analyzing it almost the same way as West did but it's definitely still in its draft stage. I'm having trouble with the argument of the essay, it's hard for me to not state the same stuff in my last essay because the blogs are similar and I feel like my thoughts are hard to grasp. Feedback would be nice (:
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Glad your essay is coming along swimmingly. :) You asked for feedback, but you didn't really give your readers a sense about what you would like them to focus on.
ReplyDeleteFor example, do you want readers to focus on Argument, Analysis of Evidence, Disciplinary Awareness, or Expression of Ideas from the evaluation criteria. Can you describe to readers what are you are struggling with so they can focus their energy when they read ?
In your essay, I can see that you are making a connection between fashion and blogging, also talking about the form of expression by the bloggers’ personality in the blogosphere. I prefer that you can add some specific examples about the “unique digital language”, which you mentioned in your draft. Besides, I like your quotes in your paragraphs. Seems like they are completely supported what you are trying to tell us. I think the quotes can help you to reflect on your fashion blog.
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I noticed about your paper was your header. Dr Riki Thompson told me our header has to be in MLA format in her review of my first essay. Mine looked exactly like yours, but its supposed to be right justified and read like this.
ReplyDeleteKatrina Honrade
Dr. R. Thompson
TCore 101
21 October 2010
The first paragraph does a very good job in asserting your argument in the paper; your thesis is present and sounds good to me. The second paragraph is basically summary and gives background on Fashionising.com. It also uses West’s methods and Gee’s theory of social language towards the end. The next paragraph shows the relationship and similarities between your paper and West’s study. This is an interesting section in your paper. The fourth paragraph is mainly summary also with some identity towards the end, maybe to add more to your argument you can add situated identities to your analysis. Basically add the whole “relationship savvy teen” thingy. The conclusion I can tell is being worked, but its sounding good. Overall, I feel as though you are doing a great job on your paper. Great job Katrina.